It has come to my attention, that a lot of people have no idea what “being stepford” means. In all honesty, it is a term I came up with myself, so it makes sense that nobody else would really understand. But, I thought it was kind of self explanatory.
So here is my post about being Stepford. I apologize in advance if it seems preachy, ranty, mean, or rude. If you feel this way, perhaps you should re-evaluate how you live.
The Stepford Wives is a book/movie about a town where all of the wives seem perfect. A lady moves to town and is shocked that everyone is so happy and perfect and wonderful. The women are always impeccably dressed, their houses are always spotless. They are never in a bad mood, their make up is never messy, their hair is perfect, and they dote on their husbands as if their lives depend on it. *spoiler alert* This is because they are robots. The men in town have made the perfect women by making robots. It all seems utterly ridiculous, but I promise it really is a good story line.
The reason I chose the term Stepford for myself is not because I am a robot, I know, I was disappointed when I found this out as well. But, really, in this day and age if you are not a fat, lazy, slob who barks orders at her children from the couch and serves Mcdonalds for dinner you are considered weird, over zealous, and irrational. I try very hard to keep the basic principals of a 1950’s housewife. Because of this, I get a lot of flack from friends, relatives, and bystanders. All of which have no business sticking their nose into my business, they are mostly just mad because I am making them look bad.
Here are my terms for wife/mother:
*I get up and make coffee for my husband every morning. If he will be working at the shop, I pack him a lunch.
*I do laundry every day (I should interject that I have a brand new awesome washer that only uses the exact amount of water needed so I can seriously wash a single sock and my washer knows to only use like a teaspoon of water, before I had this washer I did laundry twice a week)
*I have dinner ready every night
*I meet my husband at the door, kiss him hello, and ask how his day was
*My house is clean 95% of the time, and “not clean” means there are dirty dishes, toys on the floor, or Wonderful Husband is working on the remodel and there is dust
*I do dishes every day (and sometimes like 900 times a day)
*I shower every day
*I do my hair and make up almost every day (this one is negotiable when WH is out of town because I hate to waste the product and am currently on an acne treatment so I like to let my face breathe)
*My toenails are always painted
*I get dressed every day
*I vacuum every other day
*I write the checks out, send the bills, and balance the checkbook
I also dote on Wonderful Husband. I bring him his dinner plate, I take his dinner plate when he is finished. I pick up his dirty clothes, dirty dishes, empty beer cans, and used tools. I sort his change and put it into the piggy banks. I mow the yard, take out the garbage, and for the most part, do the gardening. I am incredibly frugal to help keep Wonderful Husbands money in his pocket- I make all of Little Darlings baby food, I make all of our laundry detergent and fabric softener. My garden is made up of scraps and seeds I saved from vegetables I bought at Aldi. During the summer, I do not use the dryer. Only on rare occasions do I use the dishwasher.
My thoughts are the subject are this: he works incredibly hard during the day at work, while I am working equally as hard at home, it is still my job to take care of him. I am a homemaker, and when he comes home he deserves to put his feet up and relax. He is incredibly appreciative and thanks me for almost all of these things as well. He also spoils the shit out of me, pretty much anything I want, I get. In a nut shell, My job is to make the home, his job is to buy the home.
I have heard from countless people that they “just can’t do it all”. I call bull shit on this. No, you can’t get it all done when you are spending 8 hours a day with your butt on the couch watching Maury. No, you can’t get it all done when you spend all week running from your in-laws to your parents to your friends to starbucks. No, you can’t get it all done when you sleep until noon, or stay out until 2am. Yes, you can get it done if you budget your time wisely and make your priorities your home and your family.
Most of these values were instilled in me by my mother. Mom always taught us that time spent doing nothing is wasted time. Even if you are sitting on the couch watching tv you could be knitting or making tomorrows to do list (or writing a blog about not wasting time). While people mostly refer to my mother and I as being hyper, or perfectionists, we see ourselves as doing our duty. This is the job we signed up for. Being a stay at home mom means staying at home, working long hours, being constantly on call, and not complaining about it. My MIL bought me a book for my bridal shower called The Retro Housewife. And it pretty much outlines how housewives in the 1950’s were skinny because they never stopped moving and didn’t have all the luxuries of today. Imagine washing clothes with a ringer washer, or washing every dish by hand. You know how these housewives kept up? They didn’t have facebook, they didn’t have cars (hell, most of them didn’t even have drivers licenses), they didn’t have 157 cable channels, and they didn’t have this illusion that they could get away with yoga pants and greasy hair. Their motto was never complain, never show strain. They knew that their lives were the household and they did those tasks gladly.
Granted, this is a different era and times have greatly changed. There are days that your schedule completely goes to hell and you get nothing accomplished. But this generally accepted notion that moms can either be good moms or good wives, they can have either clean houses, or clean bodies, is just ridiculous. It is 100% possible to most of these tasks daily, and even more. Not only do I keep my house clean, my child happy, my husband satisfied, and myself put together, I have hobbies too.
Being Stepford, in my eyes, is being a good wife, a good mother, and doing the jobs that come along with it. I enjoy doing them, I look forward to doing them (except mowing the yard, that sucks, that sucks big time), and I am proud when my husband comes home to see my accomplishments. I am happy when we have guests come over and I can be that smiling hostess with homemade pink lemonade and fresh baked cookies. This is my job, and I love every minute of it. Even if that does make me a robot in some peoples eyes.