5 Things That Make You A Lazy Mom

I deleted my Facebook. Or rather, I deleted the app off my phone and do not allow myself to check Facebook anymore because I get too emotionally vested in what is happening. However, my account is still active, and I get an email when I have more than 10 notifications pending on Facebook. Apparently, everyone I know is still tagging me in everything because I got an email that the other day that I had 37 notifications waiting for me. Yikes.

I bit the bullet and logged on to the website. I surfed through the notifications, mostly pictures and articles and the like. And then I got caught on the News Feed. Talk about depressing and anger inducing. I don’t know why it is so popular! I scrolled through and my eyes caught on an article entitled “What it takes to be one of those moms who has it all together”. It made me pause. I finally clicked on it.

What I read, was a sad, droning article about how some of these moms “pretend” to have it all together but they are just hiding things. Their house may look clean, but their closets are stashed with crap they haven’t organized, or they may bring a gorgeous snack to daycare but they really only got three hours of sleep the previous night.

I call bull shit.

I am so sick of women all over the world acting like their life is soooooo hard. Women who act like they can’t wash a sink full of dishes or they can’t wash more than one load of laundry every week. Here’s a tip- get the eff off Facebook and do something with your day instead of sitting around reading articles on how it’s ok to not have your shit together. Because, here’s the kicker, it’s not ok!

Here is a fun list of 5 things that make you a lazy mom, if you check off more than one or two, take a look in the mirror and rethink your life. #sorrynotsorry

5 things that make you a lazy mom

  1. You don’t shower on a daily or regular basisI am sick of this nonsensical myth where women act like they are “too busy” to shower every day. What the hell? Your child sleeps don’t they? It literally takes 10 minutes to shower, and that is including time to shave my legs. You need to shower like you mean it, don’t waste time standing under the water contemplating life and don’t act like your hair is that important that you need to let that conditioner set for 20 minutes, if you aren’t showering regularly you obviously don’t care that much about your hair either. Get up before your kids, stay up later than your kids, utilize nap time for something other than Facebook and TV.
  2. You don’t remember the last time you did your hair/make up or got dressed properlyOk listen, I know that the days of full make up and hair straighteners is mostly over. It is a lot to maintain, even I got a mom hair cut so that I wouldn’t have to mess with a straightener on a regular basis. But seriously ladies, how hard is it to put on some BB cream and mascara? Let me answer that, NOT THAT HARD. It’s call the five minute face for a reason. Learn it. Use it. Love it. And while you’re at it, put on something other than yoga pants. Try a pair of jeans, or even jeggings. Something that you wouldn’t be ashamed to be wearing if you saw someone you knew your worst enemy. Just think, you are coming out of the grocery store in your dirty yogas and over sized hoodie when you are face to face with that one person you just hate. Do you really want her to be able to go home and tell all her friends “and do you know what she was wearing…?!” Nope. Make that bitch work for her gossip.
  3. Your house is a mess on the regularI get it, certain rooms in the house are likely to be more messy than others while the child is awake. The living room is probably going to be strewn with toys and the kitchen is bound to have dishes pile up during the day while you are spending time with your kid. But seriously. Clean up the toys, run the vacuum, utilize a duster for God’s sake. Run the dishwasher and then *gasp* unload it and put the dishes away! No one is going to believe you if they end up in your basement and you are muttering excuses about how you are a little behind on laundry when the pile of dirty clothes is touching your rafters. Doing laundry is seriously one of the easiest chores that exists. You put the laundry in the washer, you turn the washer on. You swap the laundry into the dryer. Even folding it takes about 10 minutes. Set a timer, I bet it doesn’t take more than 10 minutes to fold and put away a load of laundry. I know there are times when we all get behind and there is a day where you feel like you are drowning in laundry, but that’s your job. You agreed to do laundry when you signed on to be a stay at home mom.
  4. You put things offWhy bother running the sweeper today? You can always do it tomorrow. Why do the lunch dishes when you know dinner dishes are coming in just a few hours? Ugh. It annoys the shit out of me when people put things off for no reason. Is the garbage can full? Take out the trash! Do bills need paid? Write out the checks and put them in the mail! Most of the things that I see people putting off take about 30 seconds to complete. I mean large projects like cleaning out the attic are time consuming, but they still need done. Stop piling things on the dining room table, in the closet, or on the basement floor. Pick them up, sort through them and then deal with them accordingly. What happens if you have a guest over and they open your coat closet? It will look like something out a damn movie with all kinds of trinkets and crap falling all over them. That would be embarrassing for them, and you, and all around bad. Stop putting things off and do it now. You will thank yourself later when you are more caught up. Try making a list of 5 things. You can’t turn on the TV until those 5 things are done. It’ll go faster than you think.
  5. You are constantly making excuses.I was going to but.. If you find yourself using this statement more than twice a day, you are probably lazy. People who are constantly whining about how tired, busy, overworked, or overwhelmed they are are just lazy. Here’s a fun fact: Everybody who is an adult is tired. We are all busy. We all have lives and commitments and thing to get done. Its like that meme that you constantly see on Pinterest- Somebody who is busier than you is working out and eating right right now. That’s exactly how housework works. Yes, we have kids who are like little whirling dervishes of activity that make messes, but we are also home all day to combat those messes. Stop acting like you are the only person who has ever had a kid or two or three and like your job is so ridiculously hard that its impossible to have a clean house, a clean body, and a clean child. That’s stupid. Nobody *really* feels sorry for you, they are just nodding their head and thinking to themselves WTF. There are millions of moms out there who are “doing it all” on a daily basis and keeping up just fine. It’s called balance, routine, and motivation. Make yourself a daily chore list of what chores get done on what day. Make yourself a to do list on the daily of things that need to be accomplished. Stop procrastinating.  If you had a job outside the home and you worked like you take care of your home, you would be fired!

Can you imagine going into a job outside the home and complaining to your boss how tired you are and how you can’t keep up with your daily activities because it’s too hard? Yea. That’s exactly how your husband feels when he comes home to a dirty house, a dirty wife, and wild child. He works hard all day so he can come home and put his feet up and relax without having to scrape goo off the couch and without wondering if he is going to have clean underwear for work tomorrow.

This is your job.

Take is seriously.

Being Stepford

It has come to my attention, that a lot of people have no idea what “being stepford” means. In all honesty, it is a term I came up with myself, so it makes sense that nobody else would really understand. But, I thought it was kind of self explanatory.

So here is my post about being Stepford. I apologize in advance if it seems preachy, ranty, mean, or rude. If you feel this way, perhaps you should re-evaluate how you live.

The Stepford Wives is a book/movie about a town where all of the wives seem perfect. A lady moves to town and is shocked that everyone is so happy and perfect and wonderful. The women are always impeccably dressed, their houses are always spotless. They are never in a bad mood, their make up is never messy, their hair is perfect, and they dote on their husbands as if their lives depend on it. *spoiler alert* This is because they are robots. The men in town have made the perfect women by making robots. It all seems utterly ridiculous, but I promise it really is a good story line.

The reason I chose the term Stepford for myself is not because I am a robot, I know, I was disappointed when I found this out as well. But, really, in this day and age if you are not a fat, lazy, slob who barks orders at her children from the couch and serves Mcdonalds for dinner you are considered weird, over zealous, and irrational. I try very hard to keep the basic principals of a 1950’s housewife. Because of this, I get a lot of flack from friends, relatives, and bystanders. All of which have no business sticking their nose into my business, they are mostly just mad because I am making them look bad.

Here are my terms for wife/mother:

*I get up and make coffee for my husband every morning. If he will be working at the shop, I pack him a lunch.
*I do laundry every day (I should interject that I have a brand new awesome washer that only uses the exact amount of water needed so I can seriously wash a single sock and my washer knows to only use like a teaspoon of water, before I had this washer I did laundry twice a week)
*I have dinner ready every night
*I meet my husband at the door, kiss him hello, and ask how his day was
*My house is clean 95% of the time, and “not clean” means there are dirty dishes, toys on the floor, or Wonderful Husband is working on the remodel and there is dust
*I do dishes every day (and sometimes like 900 times a day)
*I shower every day
*I do my hair and make up almost every day (this one is negotiable when WH is out of town because I hate to waste the product and am currently on an acne treatment so I like to let my face breathe)
*My toenails are always painted
*I get dressed every day
*I vacuum every other day
*I write the checks out, send the bills, and balance the checkbook

I also dote on Wonderful Husband. I bring him his dinner plate, I take his dinner plate when he is finished. I pick up his dirty clothes, dirty dishes, empty beer cans, and used tools. I sort his change and put it into the piggy banks. I mow the yard, take out the garbage, and for the most part, do the gardening. I am incredibly frugal to help keep Wonderful Husbands money in his pocket- I make all of Little Darlings baby food, I make all of our laundry detergent and fabric softener. My garden is made up of scraps and seeds I saved from vegetables I bought at Aldi. During the summer, I do not use the dryer. Only on rare occasions do I use the dishwasher.

My thoughts are the subject are this: he works incredibly hard during the day at work, while I am working equally as hard at home, it is still my job to take care of him. I am a homemaker, and when he comes home he deserves to put his feet up and relax. He is incredibly appreciative and thanks me for almost all of these things as well. He also spoils the shit out of me, pretty much anything I want, I get. In a nut shell, My job is to make the home, his job is to buy the home.

I have heard from countless people that they “just can’t do it all”. I call bull shit on this. No, you can’t get it all done when you are spending 8 hours a day with your butt on the couch watching Maury. No, you can’t get it all done when you spend all week running from your in-laws to your parents to your friends to starbucks. No, you can’t get it all done when you sleep until noon, or stay out until 2am. Yes, you can get it done if you budget your time wisely and make your priorities your home and your family.

Most of these values were instilled in me by my mother. Mom always taught us that time spent doing nothing is wasted time. Even if you are sitting on the couch watching tv you could be knitting or making tomorrows to do list (or writing a blog about not wasting time). While people mostly refer to my mother and I as being hyper, or perfectionists, we see ourselves as doing our duty. This is the job we signed up for. Being a stay at home mom means staying at home, working long hours, being constantly on call, and not complaining about it. My MIL bought me a book for my bridal shower called The Retro Housewife. And it pretty much outlines how housewives in the 1950’s were skinny because they never stopped moving and didn’t have all the luxuries of today. Imagine washing clothes with a ringer washer, or washing every dish by hand. You know how these housewives kept up? They didn’t have facebook, they didn’t have cars (hell, most of them didn’t even have drivers licenses), they didn’t have 157 cable channels, and they didn’t have this illusion that they could get away with yoga pants and greasy hair. Their motto was never complain, never show strain. They knew that their lives were the household and they did those tasks gladly.

Granted, this is a different era and times have greatly changed. There are days that your schedule completely goes to hell and you get nothing accomplished. But this generally accepted notion that moms can either be good moms or good wives, they can have either clean houses, or clean bodies, is just ridiculous. It is 100% possible to most of these tasks daily, and even more. Not only do I keep my house clean, my child happy, my husband satisfied, and myself put together, I have hobbies too.

Being Stepford, in my eyes, is being a good wife, a good mother, and doing the jobs that come along with it. I enjoy doing them, I look forward to doing them (except mowing the yard, that sucks, that sucks big time), and I am proud when my husband comes home to see my accomplishments. I am happy when we have guests come over and I can be that smiling hostess with homemade pink lemonade and fresh baked cookies. This is my job, and I love every minute of it. Even if that does make me a robot in some peoples eyes.